Day 15: Self soothing and the stress bomb.

It’s day 15 and I’m at my parent’s house for the 6th day.
Let me show you what I’m up against:


Yes, the tub of english toffee is nearly empty, but there is one in there taunting me.
Yes. Those are giant marshmallows.
And Yes. That’s a pint of Half Baked.
The reason I felt the need to pull these out and post a picture of them is to one: applaud my self control, and two:look the devil straight in the eye. I need to be real with my feelings instead of stuffing them down with this, well, stuffing.
Here is the stress bomb of the week:
On Friday, I learned that my brother’s wife told him she wanted to leave him and their 4 children, but somehow in the process, he ended up on the couch at my parent’s house while she stayed in his house. I want to help him, but don’t know how. I understand she’s done with him, and it hurts me that he has to feel so much pain, and the kids.
Sunday night was bad. That’s all I’ll say. Pizza and wine happened.
I feel like I’m 16 years old and keeping the peace between members of my family all over again because of the situation my brother is in. Explaining what my mom says to him, explaining what he says to my mom, telling my dad to tone down the advice, reassuring everyone that the things they say to each other that end up hurting one another, are said out of love and fear.
Oh yeah, and… the whole reason I’m here in the first place is that I felt unsafe in my neighborhood. Seattle is going through an apocalypse. People shooting people too much. THAT was stressing me out. .
And we’re moving
And my baby cries in the car, so that stresses me out.
And the dog barks just as I finally get the kids to sleep and I want to kick him.
And I forgot to take my SSRI’s for the last two days. (I’m convinced this has an effect).
Generally, this would be perfect justification for me to self-medicate with food.
But for the last 15 days, I have abstained from sugar.
Thank you very much.
I’m going home tonight. Back to a house without shelves billowing over with sweets, a recently activated alarm system, and the strong arms of my sweet husband back from the recon mission to find us a place to live in SC.

So I want to self soothe.

A very wonderful feeling today:

Sun on my legs warming through my clothes while I sit under the clouds and watch my son wonder at airplanes landing near Boeing field. Pretty Great.


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